Loud and Soft at Once

I Feel Alive Again, Wait for Me in the City

2009-12-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

A lot of relief coming from my end of things as the semester wrapped up entirely for winter break. I had the opportunity to tell someone something I had been waiting a very long time to say. I found out how much I mean to someone I don't think I'd know what to do without. I have some time to consider the fact that other people's futures coming to life are not what my future is supposed to be, a virtue of leading different lives. I am slowly learning that our successes should be shared but not necessarily the same. And I am discovering how valuable I am... as a friend, a daughter, a student, a mentor, a role-model, and a life-long learner.

The future is freaking me out and I am trying to get the next stage of my life figured out before I come to a dead end.

Things that REALLY Grind My Gears

2009-07-01T01:01:00.002-07:00

I thought about it today and realized that there are a lot of things that bother me about the world. I figure it's better to jot them down in a journal or blog than let the things get to me, so here we go. A list of things that tick me off.

- People who act like they are too busy for life, and then want to be your friend when it's convenient for them rather than trying to make you a priority and make the time work (this is not directed at any specific person, rather it's just something that has happened a lot to me in my life).

- I hesitate to use the word "men" because real "men" probably have this figured out by now, but here we go anyway... Men who treat women like a. We owe them something, b. We should just forget about them when they are ready to move on from us in a dating relationship/friendship/etc., c. We should be kissing their feet simply because God created them first (I think that's really STUPID rationale when quite frankly without women, for a myriad of reasons, the world would literally stop turning)... mainly I'm just tired of "men" who WISH they were men rather than little boys, or those who can't grow up out of their immaturity (the college years DO end you know!). Furthermore...

- If you are 26 years old, you are a male, and you don't have your life figured out yet, now might be the time. It might be the time to STOP playing around with female hearts, GET a real job, SHOW the world that you have some direction... I understand extenuating circumstances, but there is no reason for a 26 year old man to be making out with girls and then disrespecting them in social situations (spoken from experience, it's true).

- The sound that drippy things make (like the shredded beef I took out of Amanda's crock pot tonight... yuck). This sound also goes with the noise coffee makes when being poured into a cup. It literally makes me cringe.

- Wind. I know it sounds weird, but... I get so annoyed when I am trying to do something, and either my hair is all a mess, or my belongings are blowin' everywhere... Just tonight for example, I was trying to change the windshield wipers on my truck and fill up my windshield wiper fluid. Then the F'ing wind comes up and I have to fasten down everything that would fly away (the packaging for the new wiper blades etc). DUMB. Wind is pointless, and it is rarely welcomed. Especially when it's hot air or that really foolish 40 mph wind that usually indicates the monsoon is about to make its unwelcomed appearance.

- People who come into where I serve food and tell me "I know... I serve(d) food, too. I know what it's like." No, you really don't know what it's like! Yes you have probably dealt with foolish people in the past, people who don't know how to tip or treat other human beings in general, but working at Oregano's is not like working at random Jo Schmo restaurant down the street. It is nothing like Applebee's or any place like that, and I can ASSURE you that it is absolutely nothing like Black Angus. Everything is different, from the emphasis we place on the guest, to how much heart we put into our pizza. So please, do your servers a favor and don't tell them you know how hard they've got it. That is, unless you plan on leaving like a 25% tip.

- I could go on all day about the things that bother me in food service, but my love for it outweighs the nit-picky things I hate about it. I will say one more thing though: people who come in, tell you what a great server you are, what amazing service they were given, how tasty the food was and how at home they feel, then barely tip 15%. If we wowed you, tip us 20 or 30! I appreciate all the tips I get because I Know times are tough. The very fact that people are coming out to eat and dine with me at all is a miracle itself. But along with verbal praise, the way I can be shown gratiTUDE is through gratUITY. That's how I make my money, that is what pays for my college expenses, and that is what I want. I can't pay bills with how much you loved the pizza. And again, I am appreciative of all the money I do make, but this is just me being nitpicky.

- Girls who KNOW their advantages in life and make other people feel worthless because they are not under the same advantage. In my case, it is girls/women/females who have "generous proportions" as I'll politely put it... for those of you who are a little slower I'll spell it out for you... there are too many women these days who use their breasts and "assets" to get what they want. Whether it's in the work place or at the bars. Unfortunately in a lot of scenarios that is all the person cares about who is honoring this ubiquitous use of blessings, so it works out for both of these parties. But really, in 10 years, your boobs will be saggy anyway, and I'll still make great conversation and have intellect and/or experiences worth sharing with others. You will have a few one night stands, liver cancer, and possibly herpes. For the men reading this who are offended: you know you do this, and FYI boobs and ass do not talk back. They cannot cook your dinner. They will not raise your children. They will not care about you when the world is making you feel small. Most importantly, they will not love you. So... think about it.

- Friends who are not friends. Friends who used to be friends. In hindsight I realize it's a lot like losing touch with the people we went to elementary school/junior high and high school together... maybe you shared a few valuable experiences but in reality those people are not your lifetime friends. It is unfortunate that I have just recently learned this at 22 years old, when a lot of the people who I thought were true friends were actually just pieces of my present becoming my past. This, I realized, doesn't mean I shouldn't put value and effort into their friendships. However, it does mean that the recognition of these relationships early will often prevent you from disappointment by their actions later.

- People who take on leadership positions purely for the perks. They are not benefiting the team, they are being selfish. They were hired because they can hit an interview out of the park, if we are speaking in baseball terms. They feigned enthusiasm and attitude and heart and desire to get what ultimately would only benefit them and hurt others. Being a CA has really opened up my eyes to what potential there lies in the business world for people getting jobs who have no business having them, or just having the job for the wrong reasons. After the little I have read in the last week or so about leaders... I mean we really need to start hiring people who are GREAT. Not people who are okay, or who will foot the bill, fill the "pozish." People who have PASSION and ZEAL and who really want to make things better for other people. People who care about others. That's what I want to see.

- If I hear one more person tell me what a poor choice of career move I made in my decision to become an elementary school teacher, I am going to scream. After what I Just said about leadership and taking the position for the betterment of society... if I wanted to make 6 figs I would have majored in business. But I didn't. I majored in liberal arts, because I wanted to diversify my field of knowledge and have more of the tools at hand I would need to single handedly attempt making the world a better place. CEOs and fat cats on Wallstreet are not our heroes: teachers, firefighters, police officers, army men and women, librarians, professors... these are our heroes. Serving the greater good, furthering the knowledge and safety of our country. We are not a dumb nation, but we will become one if we keep placing emphasis on areas it doesn't belong (hello AZ budget cuts on education MAYYYBEEEE?).

That's all I've got for now. Working a double in the morning.

The Future at Large

2009-06-18T16:06:00.002-07:00

Well, as usual, it's been a while. Since last time, I've graduated from ASU, lost my job at Black Angus to the recession and gained a job at Oregano's to my betterment. I've never felt like such a great food server as I do there. The standards are much higher, the guests are a lot more fun, and the money is GREAT. Don't get me wrong, I miss my BA, but home girl got bills to pay.

Ah yes, bills. The tell-tale sign that you are growing up is when you owe your hard earned cash to "the man." If I could do it again, I would definitely refrain from getting more than one credit card, but credit has definitely saved my butt when it comes to school. I've had to put almost all my books on credit cards for the last three years of my undergrad. That's easily $1000 right there. Then there's all the work I've had done on my truck, and probably some unnecessary purchases peppered throughout, but let's face it: if it wasn't for credit, I'd be a completely different person going to community college and still not sure what I want to do with my life.

I think I've figured out what I want to do with my life. With any luck, me and Lauren will be moving to California next summer. In fall 2010 I'll begin my certification to become a teacher at CSU San Marcos. With absolutely every fiber of my being, I am determined to end up in California. The sheer fact that Lauren casually mentioned in conversation whether I would need a roommate makes me certain this is supposed to happen. It wasn't a reality until last weekend. And I just don't think it's a coincidence that at the same time our friendship is strengthening, she reveals to me that she too would like to be in California as well. It's a dream that's coming true, and I could not possibly be more stoked.

The thing of it is, had I been smart my senior year of high school, I would have made my way out of Arizona then for my 4 years of undergrad because I get grants for school anyway. But... I wouldn't have made the friends I have or accomplished the feats I have accomplished, necessarily, if I hadn't stayed here.

The main reason I started this blog though was to express my anger over the fact that my dad is already giving me the whole "Teachers don't make any money" lecture, telling me I need to get out of education and "go for my PhD." He doesn't respect my choice of profession. That's a given. My feelings are that it is a selfish notion on his part because he thinks that his last hope for living large is for me to get into a high paying profession, then with MY earnings, house, clothe and feed him... because he's my dad, and apparently that's MY job, because he hasn't been able to successfully and persistently do this on his own his entire life. I am fully supportive of taking care of our parents as they age, but not because they simply don't want to take care of themselves anymore. I don't forsee this being a problem with my mom, but I'm almost certain my dad's mindset is looking at me seeing dollar signs. Unfortunate, but true.

I don't know. Maybe he's right. But if I was really going to spend my life worrying about how big of a house I'll end up living in... I'd have become a doctor or a lawyer or a buisness person. My intention has always been that whatever profession I pursue, it will be one to help the people, benefit the public. I mean, my degree is in liberal arts after all. But I am super pissed that my dad thinks he can dictate what I do with my future when he has contributed little to nothing to my education thus far. Help me figure that one out.

In my head there's a Greyhound Station where I send my thoughts to far off Destinations

2009-03-01T15:33:00.002-07:00

Let's just be honest. If the answer was different, I would be stoked.

Oh college. How I love you. How I love your twists and turns, your giving of high hopes and your taking away of the same. Your inevitables and your avoidances. The entering and exiting you assist with of people in my life, and the keepings out and the keepings in of them. Your success givings and your failure provokings. Your blessings and your curses. Your loves lost or never explored. I love college.

Well, it's March. That means a new month in which another complete emotional breakdown should make its regularly scheduled appearance at some point. Yikes. Not looking forward to that. Just a little over two months till graduation. Cannot believe it's already that close. I haven't done anything to prepare for it except the obvious registrar's paperwork... I still need cap and gown, invitations which I am now making since neither my mom or myself can afford to buy them. Lame. Was hoping for a class ring but I probably don't need that either.

Since being in a bad situation with my credit card, I am having to take another look at my spending habits and stop being so foolish with money :\

BTW, what is UP with men? Someone please explain to me why they are making my life so difficult right now!!! Guys, I love ya, but let's figure it out hm?

Is this itttt.... Is this ittt? Is. this.. it.

2009-01-28T02:16:00.003-07:00

So luckily things worked out in my favor, praise 'Em for that!

I have a million things to say. I can't focus on this reading homework because I have so many thoughts racing through my head. I just have to step up to the plate and stop worrying so much. God is in control, things will happen the way they happen, in His favor, for the better of me, whether I like that or not.

I struggle so much with not being in control. I have to keep reminding myself that although I have free will, I really have to let God control my life and not try to always do everything alone. Like trying to figure out the next year of my life. I want to stay a CA, but I want more responsibility. I want to be an ACD but I don't think I want THAT MUCH responsibility. I don't think I have enough experience to deal with what Victor has the strength to deal with every day of his life (or at least 5 days a week if it's not a holiday weekend lol :D ).

I am still here. Clearly God has my best interests in mind, and I am especially grateful that His wants for me are in line with what I want. That at least shows me I am pushing toward the right mindset.

Now.. I have this HUUUGE burden on my shoulders. Nothing is as touchy as my ever-changing malarkey with the male gender. Let's put it this way... there is a wonderful guy in my life who can basically never know how I feel about him (or how I felt? I don't know). How's that for drama?

My friends have helped so much with growing me as a person and as a coworker and as a woman. I am really grateful for the relationships I have built in and around my building. Nothing is as strong as the passion I have for this job and those relationships. I thrive in this... I live for this! It is definitely where I belong. As for next year, well... we will see.

For now... I have to keep my eyes on the prize. The Dean's List is in my grasp, I just have to get my priorities straightened out.

"I'll get mine... I'm gettin' mine!"

All I Want for Christmas

2008-12-20T15:33:00.003-07:00

God, I am so scared. I have never wanted anything as badly as I want this. Please let it be in your plan.

I have an empty feeling. I miss You and I miss my staff.

pleaseletthisbefixable.

Is This Love That I'm Feeling?

2008-12-11T04:34:00.002-07:00

I'm sitting at the computer listening to this Bob Marley song and it took me right back to summer 2005. I will never forget the empty feeling I had in my heart and in my head and in my stomach when I realized that I was only dating Nick because I missed Brandon. I curled up in my bed so many nights crying about it so hard that after a while it was just dry crying; I had cried every tear I had, and literally ran out. I will never forget that feeling. I will never forget. I hope I never ever have to feel that way again.

It's a Love Story; Baby, Just Say Yes

2008-12-04T21:25:00.002-07:00

Why can't anything ever just work out!?!! WHY!!!

this is foolish.

This Old Guitar and a Brand New Set of Strings

2008-11-10T02:08:00.002-07:00

So it's already November. My grad school application is due in January, I have to sign up for the GRE pretty much tomorrow (Even though I'm really not ready to take it)... I don't feel like I have a choice at this point. I did too much procrastinating, now I have to either sign up for a sooner date at a testing center that is farther away than the Coor building on campus OR I can sign up later and be 10 minutes from it. I'm going to go with my gut and say that farther away at an earlier date is better. I've been through almost all of my GRE study book, and not any of the seperate math book I bought for it, none of the vocab... I know the vocab is going to kill me anyway, but at least I have some roots for words in my head and I can give it my best shot. Vocab is everyone's weakness I think on the GRE but that's just what I've heard.

What else... Rocktober was pretty bomb. My birthday was SO much fun. Birthday weekend as usual, you know how we do, we keep it classy haha... lots of really nice things done for me and given to me that weekend, I am really grateful for all the people I got to share that time with.

I was sort of dating this awesome guy I started getting to know at our CA conference in Colorado last month (That I never wrote about!!? Bah), but that's over. Long story I guess... all I can say is, if he would just stop this foolishness things could be really good, I think. Like really good. That's it.

Basically I am strugglin' haha. Story of my life. Academics, social, work, ultimate fris, being a CA... my worlds are basically colliding. And the semester is almost over? How did that happen? And I sure do miss my best friends a whole lot. You know who you are...

I am really in love with Taylor Swift/Carrie Underwood's music right now. These ladies really know how to tell it.

Suffice to Say

2008-09-30T00:55:00.003-07:00

Suck-tember is almost over.

Bring on Rock-tober? The following things are awesome:

- Me, Lauren and Courtney's birthdays
- Saw 5 comes out (on my birthday, best b-day ever?)
- TRIP TO COLORADO for the RAppin' Conference (free vacation)
- State Fair begins again (yay)
- Cooler weather (bring it)
- Dodgeball tournament
- Halloween program put on by the community development committee (involving free food of some sort I'm sure)

Probably other stuff but whatever. I'm in such a bad mood, and I'm so sad :(
I keep trying to lean on God through these messes but every mess hits harder and stronger. I am trying to look at the positive and know that these trial times won't last forever.. and that when it's good, it's really good. I just have to keep being sure of that. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle... and actually typing that made me feel better because it's really hard to believe sometimes. But He doesn't do this just to get us down or see how hard we fall everytime we do fall. It's to see if we pick ourselves back up, and to test us. We always come out on top, and we come out stronger. I don't know what I'm worried about. It just feels like a long way to the top at this point. I feel like when it's really bad... I still keep trying to find the good in it. My mom has a hard time doing that, and I feel like I am the negative nelly. But I guess I just have to holdfast to hope. We're going to get right. I know we are.

Take Heart, cause You Know that You Have Mine

2008-09-23T17:16:00.002-07:00

Well. I'm sitting here in the ASU Student Health Center, wasting my life away. I am starving. I am waiting for them to look at my knee and see if it's got problems. I am hoping nothing serious is wrong with it, and I hate coming in for something that ONLY hurts when I exercise, but the solution is NOT quitting ultimate or ending my bi-weekly treadmill runs. Not going to happen. But can someone please explain to me why it is that as soon as I am finally enjoying an active lifestyle, my health starts giving me issues? I guess this is what I get for living on campus. Living where I learn and work has come to be a blessing and a curse. But I love every minute of it.

On that note, let's talk about how much I love my job as a CA. My residents, although some of them know just the way to get on my last nerve, are for the most part really good, fun kids. Part of what makes this job so rewarding is knowing that we are their advantage: I'm a senior. I've been around ASU's block a number of times, I've been swept under the rug by financial aid, campus health and cashiering services more times than I can count, and I have felt the disappointment that goes with failing a test I was so confident that I passed more times than I care to remember. I've been sick, I've been in love, I've been lonely, I've been stressed and worried and angry and hungry and satiated. It's been a good mix of emotion, a long road and winding road, but the journey is almost over.

Can you believe it? This time in May I'll be a graduate of Arizona State University. With my bachelor's in psychology and a minor in religious studies. What will I be able to take with me? And who? What memories will I keep and which ones will I push out and try to forget? I'm counting on this to be a year seasoned with cherishable memories, much like spring semester. I'm looking forward to finally getting into a routine and establishing a study pattern that i can count to pull me through another grade report. I'm considering daily all the work I have left to do for me to apply to grad school. This isn't looking promising, all of this grad school business. But I'm doing my best at what I love to do and what I've been promising myself I would do since I was in elementary school. It's my dream, it is my parents' aspiration for me, it is the place in which God wants me to be so I can prepare myself to help others in the capacity he designed for me to do so, and I am excited.

I'm about to step into the real world, whatever that means. Adults have been telling us this since we were in junior high, that one day the real world is going to blindside us, and our weekends aren't always going to be free for partying, going out shopping, to dinner and movies with our friends. We are going to have "big people" jobs, we will eventually get married, settle down, have a family, take care of children, own a home, pay "real" bills (not like giving our parents money for our car insurance). It's all a little scary and surreal, but it's happening, it's coming, and there's nothing we can do about it but prepare and hope for the best.

On another note, I asked my friend a question tonight. It's a God question that I will leave you all with to ponder. Jesus calls us to be generous with everything he has blessed us with; our time, our finances, our gifts, our luxuries... so where are we allowed to draw the line? Must we always be at service to everyone? A large part of this is knowing when to say when, i.e. when to say no which I've found easy to do. Especially when it comes to those who have brought some kind of pain to our lives, whether it is unintentional or in ignorance. What do we do with that?

Our Song is a Slammin' Screen Door...

2008-08-11T23:49:00.004-07:00

Wow... I haven't even updated at all since I Moved in. This past week has been psychotic. Really. Training has kept me so busy!! You know training for my CA (RA/Resident Assistant) position, second and third semesters of that here at ASU coming up. I became really overwhelmed tonight, like everything kind of all hit me at once at some point so if I seem like I'm in a bad mood tomorrow, that is definitely why.

Just some things that have been on my mind that I need to say somewhere before I explode:

Someone I know said to one of my other friends the other day that I am "obsessed with Facebook" in a really derogatory way, like my life is owned by it, and it really, really hurt my feelings. Like it was so awkward, and she made it sound like her life was too important for her to even be on Facebook. I didn't really know what to say so I kind of ignored it, but as I am letting it stew it is making me sadder and sadder. So I apologize if lately I make it seem like Facebook is all I care about, it's not that. It's what Facebook represents: NETWORKING. And I am all about that. Facebook makes it increasingly easy to do it. So when I immediately tag all of you in pictures I've taken over the course of training, it's because I want to remember these times since they have been some of the funnest and most memorable of my college experience. I apologize if you feel like you are "above" Facebook and what it stands for. A lot of people appreciate what I do on FB and if you do not, then keep it to yourself I guess?
I am listening to a couple songs tonight that are making me think about that boy again, which is too bad because I looked at his Facebook and he is talking to another girl. Gah I hate that. I'm sure it's nothing but it's just the idea.
Speaking of boys, the care package I'm putting together is almost finished!!! I can't wait to send it :)
I like to be energetic and get everyone stoked about activities we do, but there is a point where I cap off and just can't keep up with people who act like they are competing to be more stoked than me. I can't handle that. There are a couple people I've been getting to know who are very much like this. They are amazing individuals, incredible leaders, but way over the top sometimes. I wouldn't say our personalities clash, but I will definitely say that there is a slight decrease in my energy when I feel like I have to down play because there is already too much over zealousness. Did that last sentence even make any sense haha...
I kind of have a crush on this boy but in a nutshell, he is non-responsive :( I got some stellar advice from Tim last night, I have been pondering on it, and have found that if I would just listen to people who I know are wiser than myself and are correct about the words they say, I would be worlds better off. So thanks to Tim for that.
I am so tired, and I feel like I have no time to do extra things... like go to the store for tampons because apparently I'm out? Or mail packages, or paint signs as good as I want to... I bought some books online last night but I still have two more to buy at the actual bookstore. And I am freaking tired right now, if I didn't already say that hah...

Almost time for bed. We have an early/long day tomorrow. Yikes...

The Game is Over

2008-07-27T01:49:00.002-07:00

I have been thinking about 'NSYNC lyrics all day haha so I thought I would start this blog by titling it one of my favorite songs from their No Strings Attached CD. Good times!

While I perused Lauren's Australia blog, I realized a few things:

My life's interest level pales in comparison to that of Lauren's and most other people's blogs lol
I don't blog nearly as often as I should about details of my life that I may want to reflect on later, such as certain events taking place, or hanging out with certain people and what we were doing on that occasion.
I thoroughly enjoy blogging!

T0 rectify the situation, I will start tonight by a summary of the last couple of days, and then really wow you with a narrative about mine and Mike's experience at Idol auditions on Friday.

So... tonight. Thoroughly enjoyable day over all. Possibly one of the best day/night combinations in quite a while. I'll start with today. For the first time in like a week I was able to catch up on some much needed sleep. I slept a couple hours Friday night after all the Idol craziness was over, then went to bed earlier than normal, got up around 12 today (Saturday) and got ready to go shopping with my mom. What you need to understand is that I never and I stress never shop with her. A few different reasons... she complains the whole time, doesn't like to linger in stores too long, constantly taking bathroom breaks even if it means re-walking the entirety of whatever marketplace we happen to be occupying... anyway I had my eye on some jeans at the Eagle on Thursday and the girl was nice enough to hold them for me until today so we went to TMP and I bought those... some pedal pushers, and some sweet polka dot pj's (which I didn't try on and, surprise surpise, did not fit! Since when is a small too big btw?). Then we went to the bathroom, then Tilly's where I bought an amazingly cute black purse for about $20 (definitely have never had a solid black purse). Then we went to Victoria's Secret!!! Yay...

I found some undies, and almost bought that amazing Biofit bra (which, to date, is probably the most comfortable bra I have ever put on) but it is $42 or something outrageous and I just didn't see myself putting it on my credit card. I don't necessarily need it (although I am obsessed with it at this point) and it will always be there. Maybe another time I can get it on sale. Anyway, I ended up getting another free PINK bag, which you get with ANY PINK purchase (even like the $2 undies I bought lol). I plan on using it tomorrow for whatever oddities I find at IKEA tomorrow with Bre.

After shopping my mom and I went to Lucille's for dinner. Amazing as usual. Beautiful men working there per the usual. Unfortunately the object of my affection was too far away for me to read his name tag but I assure you whole-heartedly of his attractiveness lol... you would be in love too. I got a phone call from Bre and she said that someone in Europe used her card somehow to buy gas fraudulently! WTF! You can't trust anybody! Well luckily the bank knew that she was out of town then so they caught it before anything bad happened to her credit, praise God for that! Money is such a tricky thing.

Around 6:15 Bre and I headed out for Third Format and had a great night there... Jeremy preached about homelessness and how we need to be a lot more willing to help God's unfortunate than we currently are. I was obviously made extremely uncomfortable by the message because of the stereotype I give homeless people, that most of them will not use the money they ask you for and sometimes receive, wisely. I would be far more likely to buy them a meal, and have had a consistent desire to do so, but am never in a situation where that is possible. It is always at the side of the freeway where I can't just ask them to jump into my truck. I wouldn't allow any stranger to do that, homeless or not. I prefer to live.

Afterwards, I was able to talk to the awesome intern boys of Camp Trek who I will thoroughly miss when they all go back to Indiana. Should have definitely gone with them to the movie tonight, it would have been nice to spend some extra time with them. But I had a great time with Bre; we stayed after 3F to watch The Princess Bride in the amphitheater, had some free pizza/chips/water (gotta love Nestle bottled water for sure). Not a bad movie if I do say so myself. The guy from Robin Hood: Men in Tights plays Wesley, and he is a funny actor, I like him. We sat in the grass for an hour and a half feeling like we were getting bitten and crawled all over by bugs, then we got up and headed back to my house. She left early to get a shower in before going to sleep, and we are going to IKEA like I said, tomorrow afternoon. I'm stoked; maybe I can find some sweet stuff for my room at PV East?

Well heck, I am really freaking tired, I have much more to say but I guess it will have to wait. I'll let you guys know if IKEA is doing anything great yet for the back-to-school season. They usually do it up so we'll see what happens. I want a laptop desk still! :)

Aim

Survey

2008-07-22T09:58:00.002-07:00

If you haven't already voted, I have reopened the survey at the bottom of my blog for your voting pleasure. Feel free to discuss via this blog post.

I Cannot Hide It; You're Not That Easy to Forget

2008-07-18T14:30:00.005-07:00

I still feel awful. In my head, anyway. I keep asking for clarity, you know, from the big G.O.D. but it hasn't gotten any easier and like I told Kyle, I just don't feel like I've made any headway on my situation.

I went to the doctor again today and spent an hour and a half in there before talking to the specialist for ten minutes. You can imagine I was pissed, since I had to cancel lunch with Lauren which I've been looking forward to for what seems like a month. Part of me isn't sure I should be upset since I haven't paid a dime of what I've incurred for breaking my foot (thanks to worker's comp) but another part of me is angry that they feel like there's nothing wrong making patients wait forever and ever. It's like look: if you aren't going to see me at ten, make my appointment for 11:30 for God's sake! Like I have nothing better to do than sit around in your office all day. Luckily I didn't have to work or anything today, or I would have been even more upset.

So then, I end up being able to make lunch plans with Ryan :) and definitely..... all of a sudden my mom starts freaking out because she can't pay her bills online (her computer is not working for some reason) so I have to let her use my laptop, then when she does, she finds out that they can't process the payment until Monday (A day late) and she freaking loses her mind. How is it my problem that she doesn't know when their online payment cut off days are? So lunch had to be cut pretty short, close to 45 minutes when I typically try to stretch my lunches out so I have more quality time with whomever I am having lunch. But it was fun to see him anyway, it's been like, what, three weeks or something?

Last night was VBS... Actually the entire week has (except Tuesday night which was dinner with Tim) and it's been a blast, tonight is the last night, and I was hoping to see The Dark Knight afterwards but pretty much everyone I've asked has some excuse why not to go (not poor excuses, but nonetheless, it is what it is). So it might end up being tomorrow for that movie. Ryan is seeing it for his second time this afternoon haha, so he already has two up on me. I'm more than a little jealous.

Also, although I complain a lot about the summer, one reason for joy is Travis came back from his mission!!! Ahh I missed him so much! We got to have lunch yesterday and it was so great to see him again. He is even hotter than when he left before lol... don't get me wrong he's always been cute, but you know what happens when guys get the chance to "grow up." And the best part is that he isn't even awkward!! We talked over Panda yesterday just like old times, and he is still as funny as ever. I'm so glad he's back :)

Other than that... I just really want this summer to be over with. It's coming very close to being finished, and I am really grateful for that. Although I've had some fun with good friends, it's just time for me to get back and do my thing. I want to get senior year over with. And before you know it, you guys, I'll be graduating! May 2009 here I come :D

Being Grown Up Isn't Half As Fun As Growing Up

2008-07-14T16:57:00.002-07:00

After work today, I stopped by the grocery store to get some replacement Ben and Jerry's. For those of you who know me well, you know I have a weak spot for their cinnamon bun and half-baked flavored ice creams. I really don't care for any other types of ice cream (at the moment), and what I hate more than anything is ice cream by the gallon because of the way it ices up after one use. I hate icey ice cream (imagine that!) and more than icey ice cream, I hate when my ice cream disappears.

You know this story too well. Someone in your household gets a hankering for something you adore in the cabinet of your kitchen, or the freezer, and when you get hungry for it, you go looking and find out that it's not available anymore. You stomp madly around the house, questioning and quizzing every member of the residence, grilling them for details on the said missing item, and come up empty handed. Empty handed, that is, until your mom (or dad) gets home.

In my case, it's mom. I come home from a long day at the office, I am mid way through the day between lunch and dinner, and I get hungry for my Ben and Jerry's. I step to the freezer only to find the empty crevasse where my ice cream used to be. I can feel my nostrils flaring, my eyes glowing red. Only time will tell how much longer I can go, knowing that mom has once again consumed my heart's one earthly pleasure of that moment before I could even think about retrieving it.

When I am finally able to ask her about it, I try to maintain a calm report.

"So... mom. I noticed my Ben and Jerry's is missing."
"Is it?... Oh yeah, I ate it."
:silence: "...WHY."
"There wasn't much left."
"That's not the point. I wanted it! AND you ate ALL of my full one!!!"
"Did I?"
"ARRRRGHHHHHH!!!!!" :plates clanking and crashing to the ground, dog howling, refrigerator tips, end scene:

Ok... so maybe that wasn't entirely the truth of how this scenario played out, but you now have some idea of how PISSED I get when something I really want to eat comes up missing. Especially when it's like... 11PM, I'm in no mood to get dressed and drive to Wal-Mart or Fry's just to get ice cream.

The part that is worst about this betrayal of my sweet taste buds is that my mom complains constantly about her weight, she's not happy with this area of her body, blablabla... How about this? How about you stop consuming three days' worth your daily value of fat in 20 minutes?!? I say that's a step in the right direction. I mean God! Really? And it's not like my mom is even in bad shape, but when she is always complaining, and then eats the way she does? It's not right.

This battle does not limit itself to ice cream, no. Yogurts, soda, chip variations, snack items (such as these tasty Oreo Cakesters that I'll have to hide cleverly in my room)... you name it, she will devour it. And I wouldn't even care so much if she would at least as me if she could eat all of the, or maybe even replace what she eats, but she doesn't. And I think I have a right to be upset about it despite the fact that she houses me, buys a majority of the groceries, etc... when it's things that I buy specifically for my own consumption, with my own money, that were not originally someone else's, I think I have a right to get mad.

I don't care too much if anyone agrees, but if you hear an amen for other people eating your snacks, let me have it. Now I have to go to VBS, which I'm already not too sure was such a good idea. Not because of the event, but because of certain people :sigh: I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for the Kingdom!

Blessings, bbz.

You Told Me That You Could Sleep A Little Bit More

2008-07-14T01:21:00.002-07:00

The last few days have been great. I've been a little busier than usual: Friday was Reed and Audrey's going away party, Yesterday was the lake, GEC reunion and 3F, and today I got to have lunch with Tommy and met with Eric to talk about the discussion group we are starting up... kind of a mix between a Bible study/small group and just a group of people getting together to hang out and talk about the Bible. I'm just so tired with everything I've attempted with small groups that it was time for something new. Thanks to my buddy Pat we should be starting this up in the next couple of weeks. Be praying for its time to be intentional and that our time to fellowship with others in it would be blessed!

I have been thinking a lot about the boy. I wrote him an email almost a week ago and have heard nothing back. I told Ashley that his lack of a response says way more to me than him writing anything back could ever mean... so contrary to previous belief, I am pretty upset about it. I just keep thinking back on this past semester and I just don't get him at all. I know he's busy, but hopefully he's just taking a bit more time to respond than I expected. I am still putting a package together for him. Maybe he'll be surprised by it and send me a line. I want to hear from him so bad :(

Other than that, things have been good. I've been spending lots of fun time with Bre and just enjoying life. Scrapbooking it up and... I cleaned the house a little today. It's a freaking mess as usual. I unfortunately have to work in like 4 and a half hours so I better get to bed. But I have slept a few hours already tonight so I should be good to go in the morning. I don't know why I was so tired today? The lake sure wore me out.

I miss you, I miss you.

My Big Black Boots and My Old Suitcase

2008-07-07T11:25:00.003-07:00

Well... I've done it. I've figured out why it's so bad to get married like... right now. For people my age. And sorry if you read this and you are married and my age, haha, but I Know you will be able to relate to what I'm about to say so keep your mind open. And there are few individuals who fit into the stereotype I'm about to establish, so bare with me. Most likely if you are able to read my blog, you aren't one of them.

My mentors, such as bosses, teachers, co-workers, etc., have always asked me why on EARTH friends of mine get married so young. They can't figure it out! Well first, I explain to them what high school I hail from (Go Toros? lol)... which usually solves the mystery. If they still don't get it, I have no answer for them, because I don't know what it's like to be young and in love or in...fatuation. Haha.. that was until today.

So I"ve had friends who get in a relationship, and all of a sudden... they can't be their own person. They can't do anything without checking in with their significant other, and sometimes in extreme circumstances, if their partner can't come to said events, neither can my friend?! WTF is that? "Oh.. I'm just going to sit at home and wait for them to get off work and maybe I'll call you after that." No, screw that noise! You are two seperate entities, get your ass over here and hang out with me. Now, when babies are involved, that is something different, and completely understandable. But when you are in a new relationship, newly engaged or newly married, you have no excuse to sit at home and wait for your boyfriend/fiance/husband to come home before you are able to function independently (or a lack there of).

I think I've about covered it there. This is like a disease! Spreading! Rapidly! Yet nothing can be done about it. What a shame. For a little while there I was thinking "Oh man, it would be great to be married right now!" NO. Then I moved to, "Oh, maybe I want to be engaged right now?" DEFINITELY NOT. Heck, at this rate, I should just stay away from relationships entirely until after grad school. My functionality and productivity granted do decrease in times of twitterpation, but I at least still make time for my friends and activities that don't involve them!! Geez, come on people. Especially if you're married, or about to get married, you have the rest of your lives to socialize exclusively with yourselves, and exclude others from your personal lives. And to "only" hang out with other marrieds/couples.

Plus, I encourage my friends to tell me when I need to snap out of it and call them. But guess what? In the same way my outgoing call frequency ratio decreases, so does my incoming call frequency!! It's like everyone figures I am too busy with (insert guy here) to hang out, and that's usually not the case at all. This past semester, it was homework, hang time with the boy, and a lot of sitting around. Nobody wants to make time for me because I'm a girlfriend!? It's CRAP!

So lately I've been trying to make an effort with some individuals, and am getting pushed away. It's not just their relationship doing this though, what is also to blame is the insertion of "stuff" to fill their schedule. How does a person not have one free half hour the entire week, you ask? I do not have an answer for that. Because I ALWAYS make time for my friends, no matter how busy I am. You ask anyone. And I know some of you will read this and try to rebuke me for making that statement, because "not everyone is as holy as you" with much undue sarcasm, but it's not about being holy. It's about knowing when the right time is to just do "Stuff" and when the right time is to put "stuff" aside, remap my priorities, and engage once again in what really matters. Without each other and God, we have nothing people. Nothing. So let's build each other up in community, let's fellowship, let's save time for each other and be genuinely interested in other people's lives. Not just in passing, not just the "How's it going" when you really don't care to deal with the response if it's anything other than "Good! You?" Because we automatically register a response for that; we know the question will always eventually get directed back at ourselves so we prepare for the spotlight yet again.

So when you ask me what's up, and I say I'm ok, then ask how you're doing... I'm probably not really ok. You should investigate. Because I will be honest if I am really doing great, and I will tell you why. But the question is... will you take the time to listen?

That's my rant for today, and you can tell how much this was pressing on my heart by the fact that I'm writing a blog during lunch hour at work haha. Go figure. Things are going great today, yesterday I had a great day hanging out/swimming/shopping with MoBre, and I even made a new friend after 3F on Saturday night! :)

Also, speaking of 3F, I have to say if it wasn't for Bre I probably wouldn't be coming back week after week. Just remember that maybe, just maybe, if you're reading this, you are unfortunately part of the reason I was hesitant to come back to that worship service. And why I still hold reservations about committing to it completely as my one major worship service. I still enjoy big church, and I'm not going anywhere, because I know Central is definitely where I Belong, but the niche I had carved out for myself in Third Format has been filled already, and I don't feel needed there in the same way I used to. But I did learn a lot about myself: that I don't always have to do what other figures in the church think I should do, that makes me look like "a stronger/dare I say "better" Christian." It's between me and the big G-O-D now, folks, I'm not allowing anyone to middleman anymore. It's a bogus way to live out your faith, to let church, or "the" church interfere with what plans God has for you. Why is it that the direction you feel God is leading you in is sometimes a contradiction with what others think is the direction you should be going? Well I don't care too much about that anymore. I appreciate your input, but realy, what God is moving me to do is between me and God, not me and you and God and our pastor, and the worship leader, and, and... (not any pastor or WL specifically obviously).

If you guys feel me, give me an amen. Sorry this was real long!

Can You Still Feel the Butterflies?

2008-07-05T03:08:00.002-07:00

Two nights ago I did something I never thought I would have the nerve to do. It's finished. I'm starting a new chapter. And he has no idea that it's off my mind. I just can't keep living life like that.

Tonight I "just watch[ed] the fireworks" with Bre and Breck in the Fiesta Mall parking lot lol... it was good considering we didn't pay and the only reason we were there was because Central didn't have a show this year because apparently they spent all the money opening the Gilbert campus? Bre and I thought a lot of people would probably still show up even though we didn't advertise, and a lot of people would probably set up to watch from their backyards and stuff and, not going to Central or paying attention to the lack of advertising, be disappointed. Anyway, "Just Watch the Fireworks." I am listening to that song by Jimmy right now. It sure makes me think of high school. Things were so much simpler then! And every day was just one enormous, exciting journey after the other. Very few responsibilities and much less to worry about. I miss those times.

I'm still waiting for more people to confirm shirt orders for the American Idol shirts. The more I read about and prepare for the auditions, the more scared I am. Just scared because if you don't make it to the next tier of auditions, they tell you right then and there. And then you go home, or you wait around I guess? I've been trying to narrow down a few songs...

- Toni Braxton "Unbreak my Heart" (although I read that they don't really want ballads)
- Krystal Harris "Love is a Beautiful Thing"
- The Beatles "Let It Be"

Good choices I think because my vocal range is not the highest or widest in the world. I have to be safe. Although AGAIN (another although, haha) I also read that while they are looking for talent in the first few auditions, they are more looking for personality and style because they can eliminate all the people with good voices and non-Idol appearance material right from the beginning. So I also have to start thinking about what would be good to wear! Any suggestions? I hate all my clothes lol

Another thing: does anyone know a good dermatologist? I need to find one. I'm getting really tired, I should go to sleep now. Bye :)

Between the Lines

2008-07-03T00:55:00.004-07:00

What is the deal with these past couple of days being awesome? Is it just because this is what happens when you stop trying to control everything and hand God the reins again? Yeah. I basically think I have things figured out, then He surprises me with what I can't think of a better word for than a reappearance, a revitalization for my life. I have a sense that even better things are yet to come! Yay for self-discovery moments.

Me, Tim and Joey went to Lucille's and had bomb food as usual. Sweet tea! (LOVE) I studied for the GRE some, a few minutes with Lindsay as she freaked out because she can't use a calc haha.. and before that, I worked from like 9:15 to 3:50 (yay for being an hour and 15 minutes late for work because I overslept?? No!!) annnnd.... oh yeah!

Today at work I didn't have tons to do so I was intermittently distracted by the note I wrote on Facebook about myself trying out for the big Idol in 3 weeks. 12 comments. Most of whom writing words of support and expressing their interest in an aforementioned shirt creation idea?! YES. So I spent the majority of the afternoon creating a first draft of the shirt I would like my fans to wear (lol) and it looks really good. But I have a feeling a lot of guys are going to take issue with wearing a teal colored shirt with hot pink text on it?? So I am willing to consider suggestions for a different shirt design. Marc thinks black would be stylin' but I just think it's too hot to wear black :( My second color scheme choice would be Sun Devil colors!! Things are happening... I am stoked. But it's a big undertaking! I want to order at least 30 shirts so the price will be about $12/shirt (not bad) and more shirt requests than that will drive the price down dollar by dollar, at 50 shirts we could get them for $9! But I am also going to look at a couple other print shops and see what kind of deals I can get when I compare them. The shirt I made for Alex with the panda bear on it from Brand X was as much as the online company wanted to charge me per piece at 6 items!!?! SO.. just a guess but I think Brand X will be much cheaper.

I need to get in bed at some point here so I can get better sleep than last night! I only got about 3 hours and that's about a third of what I usually get (on Saturdays and such). Tomorrow is the last day of the pay period and you know what that means... one week from tomorrow I get PAID!!! First pay check from my job!! Weeee... can't wait for that sweet, sweet cash flow.

Goodnight! (Really, a good one)

Maybe You Would Have Been Something I'd be Good at?

2008-07-01T01:41:00.003-07:00

Yay for today!! Seriously, today was probably the best day there has been since like May or April.

Went to Pita Pit, had a delicious pita and talked to Aaron :)
Did little to no work from 8 to 3:30 (although I was really tired)
Got my foot XRAYed and was given a walking foot cast type dealy... who cares what it's called: NO MORE CAST!! NO MORE BOOT!! :DD
In cooperation with the previous, GOT TO SHAVE MY LEG AND WASH MY FOOT ahh hygiene has never felt so amazing haha..
Went to Bre's thinking we would just watch JT with some icey cream and ended up getting a bunch of snacks and a delicious Hard Lemonade sampler box (sent directly from God I assure you haha) AND watching JT live in Madison Square Garden (from September 2007)!
Talked to Tim on FB Chat AND Skype AND via text (and at some points simultaneously) haha yikes! :)
Thinking about that one guy but having so much other ridiculously cool stuff going on that I didn't have time to worry about some of the dumb stuff that has been happening in the last couple of days
Oh yeah! Made plans with Tim to go to Lucille's this week! (Although I have no money and shouldn't go, I don't get paid until the 10th, oohh noooo!)
ROB AND BIG WAS ON TV TODAY yesss... I love that show to pieces <3>

So tomorrow will be the last day I go to Pita Pit for a while. I need to save my money. I mean my credit? But I realized I was pretty much just going so I could say what's up to Aaron (which really doesn't go a whole lot further than that because they always get really busy after I order :\ )... so I'm going to see about him having a Facebook, then I don't have to go in there every day lol (but their pitas are amaaaazing!).

I am so glad Bre is moving here for good!! The last few days have been such a blessing with her and I'm glad we're friends :) Thanks for being cool!

And now... I should go to bed. I was so tired today that I actually almost slept through my appointment at the foot doctor, luckily they were gracious enough to let me come in 20 minutes late. Thank God! I couldn't stand that cast another minute!

So big ups to God for another righteous day, I'm really grateful for it! :]]

My lungs are so numb from Holding Back

2008-06-28T01:38:00.002-07:00

You know when you sit on the other end of an unreplied text message, just waiting, hoping that whatever they have to say is worth all the staring at your cell phone you've done? I hate that feeling. What I Hate more is when the wait doesn't end, or when it does, you are left completely unsatisfied and feeling more alone than you ever thought possible. At this point, you thought you were strong, you thought things were fine, you thought you were better than this moment, but alas your legs give out from underneath you and you are left again broken and criss-crossing your fingers for whatever is and whenever is the next golden opportunity. I am tired with that feeling. My heart hurts. My mind is racing. I can't focus on what is important, what I know is more important than this. What is the story with our feelings? Why can't we just forget this all, move on? I would love more than anything to just forget what I feel, how I've felt, and do what is now, what matters, what is happening and what is pertinent to my very being. But I struggle against that at all times. And no amount of analysis or mulling over with friends ever makes this any easier. Without a doubt I have some of the wisest friends a female could ask for, but words do not easily fix hurt. Unfortunately time, of which there is either always too much or never enough, is the only solution. Allow it to work its magic. It's inconceivable almost that something so intangible is capable of the cure. What we can be grateful for, however, is that there is a passage of time, that we are not suspended within it. Eventually, we too will move on, feelings will grow, change, or completely disappear. At this moment, I want some feelings to say, some feelinds to disappear, and some feelings to return to me. But I never get what I want, or what I think I need. God is much smarter than myself, and I become selfish then and wish to know His plans. I never will, nor should I ever expect to be able to predict them.

It is then that I ask, am I living out my intended purpose on this earth? There is nothing more that I want than to be serving the Lord to my fullest extent possible, blessing others with my gifts and lending myself cheerfully in any way that I can. I want to fulfill the need cut out for me in this world. Am I on the right track? Is my focus off center? Where should it be? I need to ask Him, I am asking, and it's all I've ever wanted to know. As I've been told before, He knows my heart, I just need to be willing. I am trying to be willing. How much greater can this willingness be? What must I do? What words should I say or what in my heart should change? I want answers. I need answers. And I need time to expedite itself. Although I am thoroughly enjoying my new job, it does not occupy all the free time I have for my mind to idle, wander, and become treacherous to itself. I put my identity in my labor, and in what I love. For a time, my identity is only half fulfilled.

"Do you need to love?"

Say Goodnight in a Breath

2008-06-27T01:52:00.002-07:00

So many good things coming up!! I wouldn't say I'm impatient over it because I have plenty to keep me busy in the mean time, but still. Just the idea that these things are happening. Unfortunately I don't get paid for like two more weeks so who knows what I'm going to do between now and then? I have like $40 and with plans to visit Pita Pit more often I don't know how well I'll fare ha..

I haven't had much time for that care package I keep talking about, but I can't wait to work on it :) hopefully I'll be able to do that this weekend. I need to get up in like 5 hours what am I doing!?! Ugh. I think I slept for a little while tonight, but I'm not sure. I went to sleep when the news came on (10PM?) and woke up intermittently throughout episodes of Seinfeld and finally got up to take a shower at about midnight... but for some reason didn't get in the shower until one. WTF.

Visiting the doctor on Monday so they can cut my cast off THANK GOD. I am really praying that it has healed (they said if the bone has made any progress I can probably have my boot back, which would be GREAT). Depending on crutches sucks pretty bad. People have to open doors for me and stuff, I hate always having to ask people to carry my stuff. But the cast is a pretty good conversation piece as I found out this week ;)

Tomorrow I am hanging out with Lauren again I think!? She is awesome. We are going to IKEA for.. something. She needs something for her apartment, which is so cute by the way. Definitely made me want to move out of my house and not move into PV East.

Also, BIG NEWS: AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS ARE GOING TO BE HELD IN GLENDALE THIS YEAR!!! I am so excited :) This is better than Arizona Idol because instead of auditioning for ONE spot, if I get the chance to audition I will be among like 30,000 people! Is that how many they choose from that location? I don't remember. But they DID say Simon, Paula and Randy WILL be in Glendale for the auditions :DD Stoked!

Time for bed, the repeat of the 9 o'clock news is on lol

Simple Discourse

2008-06-24T18:27:00.002-07:00

I wish people would stop asking about him.

This has been a ridiculously emotional summer. I keep realizing that I only have two more semesters of under grad and keep putting GREs, grad school application and CA business out of my head to consider the present. I have no reason NOT to focus on the future, except what you know and my work situation (mostly just me worrying about when my first paycheck is coming because I have no freaking clue). And the closer it gets to fall semester, the more excited I am because of how busy I will be. I need that again. I am at my best at my busiest. I need to feel needed and I need to be in my niche. I feel useless right now, like out of my element. It's not good.

The former owner of the company I work for now told me today that I look too young to be a senior in college?? I stopped getting that a long time ago, how is it that all of a sudden I look 12 again haha. I even wear better makeup now! And it's obviously not helping haha.

I need to go to Pita Pit more often. I went there for lunch yesterday and really cool/cute guy working there and I chatted it up about breaking bones (he broke one of his feet too). He told me to come back so I'll probably eat there tomorrow or Thursday (hopefully with Lauren?).

And, so far, I have made (in two days) what it would take me like a week to make at Black Angus. Lame haha

I go back to the doctor on Monday. Please pray for good news about my foot.

12

2008-06-19T22:48:00.003-07:00

I am a little annoyed when people ask me about my status when I'm trying to be enigmatic. I know what it means, and for me to have to explain it would defeat the purpose of me writing it the way I have in the first place. Yes?

I really want to start writing songs again because I feel like a lot of the feelings I have would be better addressed through music. I have loved just playing chords lately, looking up songs that I have long forgotten about since their popularity peaked and their songs disappeared (remember Westlife, Sarah McLachlan, Green Day?).

This morning me and Breck stayed up till 5:30 playing video games after a couple hours at Old Chicago for his birthday. It was pleasant. I have tried to get rid of the negative experiences I had with alcohol and replace them with positive ones so I won't hate it so much. It's just always all around, and I got to a point where it made me uncomfortable. And once I turned 21 I was able to fix that. So things are nice and balanced, I'm glad for that.

In high school it was that party where I was the only one sober and everyone was drunk and I felt so alone. Like I was the only one not doing it. Well, I waited it out without any problems, and now that I am 21 I have good friends with whom I can engage in social activities where delicious drinks are involved without getting out of control. Not a lot of people understand where I am even coming from on this idea, like why do you drink if you don't get drunk, and other weird things like that. But the way I see it is... drinks are a part of the fun, not THE fun. The FUN is the people around you and the activities you engage in. Drink responsibly (and you can still be socially accepted, I promise).

My only qualm with alcohol is how expensive it is. I would think that could be enough to keep people from consuming it all the time but that's not the case.

Big ups to God for another cool day, good times with good friends, and a place to rest my head when it's time for sleep. We are luckier than we know.

11

2008-06-18T01:38:00.002-07:00

Right now I am very thankful that God provides. Unfortunately sometimes I forget that when everybody else fails me, He has always got my back. I am definitely blessed. Things seemed so bleak yesterday, and just because of this one thing, I feel like a giant burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

So, good things:
+ Got offered the job with Lewis Aerospace
+ Got a check that was more than I expected from the BA
+ Phone call from Bre! (who will be here tomorrow, I am stoked!
+ Conference call (haha) with Breck to discuss his 21st birthday madness coming up tomorrow and Thursday (I am going to take him out for Wednesday becoming Thursday (midnight) so he can be 21 or whatever it is that we do?)
+ Played a TON of Tony Hawk P8 (and I mean a ton) in the last couple days and dominated

And at this point it's not even worth it mentioning the negative so I'll just leave that out.

11

2008-06-17T02:59:00.002-07:00

I can't sleep right now... I should try because I have that job interview in 7 hours and I need to be in the car in 5 hours, probably up in 4 hours... but I keep late hours often lately, and I'm up thinking about a lot of things. Life, you know? Mostly I'm thinking about what this girl said to me in my LiveJournal. She basically told me she doesn't reciprocate a desire to hang out or call me because "our lifestyles are too different."

I really don't know her at all, I guess, because I really respected her and learned a lot from the time we spent together before this nonsense, so now what I know is what I read in an online blog, and I don't think that's how friendships should be. But also, she commented on how although she enjoys running into me on campus randomly... blablah, she basically said she doesn't want to be friends with me. The type of friends, I guess, that develop a bond and share each other's lives. That's fine, but I don't think I've ever been rejected by someone who I thought was my friend? Or at least stated it that bluntly before, that we are nothing more than "acquaintances." Was I just broken up with? Haha. Well at least I can laugh about it now because at the time I was really hurt by it. And I know this is going to sound conceited, but I thought I was the kind of person everybody likes to be friends with? I am pretty easy to get along with, I try to take care of all my friends; I will do anything you ask me to do (within reason). I guess I'm just having a hard time dealing with the fact that someone I've "been friends with" for like 4 years has been feigning interest in my life. That's rough.

I took a shower tonight and my cast is all types of soggy on the bottom. She said it wasn't waterproof (obvious) so I put a trash bag around it, taped that baby up nice and tight, and started my shower. Not even 2 minutes into the shower, I feel wetness in my heel. Oh, good. There is a pinhole in the bag. So I had to balance on one foot for the remainder of the shower. I really hate this.

I hope I get that job tomorrow. I can't play video games all summer long, I won't make money that way. Although for a girl I am good enough at Tony Hawk that they should pay me to play it, that would own.

10

2008-06-16T19:01:00.002-07:00

Please be praying for me, I have a job interview in the morning and I really, really need this job. I have absolutely no money, and I know God will provide but it's so scary right now to be this broke. Breaking my foot has really screwed things up for me in every aspect of my life. I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. And just in case for some reason this doesn't work out, if any of you know of anyone looking for temporary work (like maybe babysitting or house sitting or pet sitting... something involving "sitting" haha) please let me know. I can't get paid to play video games and watch TV all day (which is pretty much what I've been doing).

Thanks :)

9

2008-06-15T01:14:00.004-07:00

I made a survey (shown below). I chose this survey because of something a friend said to me about this subject, and I just wanted to see what everyone else thought about it. Please take it, and feel free to comment here, either anonymously or signed in, to elaborate on why you voted as you did.

Thanks, I'm looking forward to reading what you have to say :)

8

2008-06-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

I keep having these dreams that are so much better than reality. Make them stop!

7

2008-06-06T12:56:00.002-07:00

I don't want to pay $4/gallon more than anyone else does. But people, really. You have to buy gas. You need it. I need it... and it's not doing anyone any good to sit around and complain about it. This may make the summer thoroughly deplorable, foiling any and all of our plans to drive out of state (or even in state) for vacation; in most cases it looks like it is cheaper to fly to California than to drive there. That definitely sucks.

The other night... Wednesday... I filled up my gas tank, and it cost me $43.50. I had given the cashier $50 and I only got $6.50 change!!!? Not cool. So what did I do? I coasted to Nielsen's next door (without stepping on the gas at all) and afterwards, upon pulling into my neighborhood, coasted home (again without stepping on the gas). Did it take a little longer? Yes. Did I save gas? You betcha. My other favorite gas saving adventure is the one where I took the bus to work yesterday. That's right. Did I save gas?? OH YEA. I mean granted it is kind of inconvenient for the trip to work that usually takes me 8 minutes to take 20 minutes, but I didn't have to drive, didn't have to pay attention to the road, etc... It was pretty good. The trip home was something different. The bus was crowded and there were stinky people on it (undoubtedly the result of having waited for the bus when it's 160 degrees outside). And I probably smelled like steak haha so whatever.

The trip home, although I didn't pay much attention to my clock (because with the bus, it's like, you will get there eventually; not quickly, but at some point, you will be home), but... I am approximating that the trip home took about half an hour. This can be attributed to all the stops made between Alma School and Gilbert on Southern, and that's not counting the ten minutes it took me to walk home from the bus stop. I also had to jaywalk to get across the street into my neighborhood. I'm not a big fan of that, but when I'm wearing all black and it's that hot outside, you can bet that I'm going to take all the shortcuts I can think of.

So I'm proud of myself for making an effort to conserve the 12 gallons of gas that are in my car, and attempting to make them last AT LEAST a week, if not more. When I lived at ASU, I was only filling up my car about every month. Those were the days!

I just remembered that I have to find out how soon the offer for priority parking by PV East expires, so I'm going to do that now. Today I hope to swim and clean some more of my room I guess? I don't like being off work, but this will give me more time to study for the GRE! Which is going famously by the way. I'm really liking the book that I'm studying and it's not feeling overwhelming (yet). The verbal section, though, I can already tell is going to dominate me.

6

2008-06-03T02:01:00.002-07:00

Briefly, I found out the other day that I almost applied to the wrong graduate program. That's not a small problem! haha.. This happened unofficially the other day when I was talking to Lindsey and looking at the graduate program she's applying to. She said she was applying through the MLF School of Education, and I thought "But you want to do counseling? That sounds a lot like what I want to do and I thought I was going to be able to do that by getting into the psychology program?"

So I look it up, and I still wasn't understanding why the masters/PhD program (because ASU doesn't offer a terminal masters) doesn't talk about counseling. All it talks about is research. So I emailed the psych advisers last week, got an email today and they informed me that the ASU psych program is a research-based program, that if I want to do something with counseling, I should apply to education psychology (which is what Lindsey is doing). So I was basically about to apply to a doctorate program that would have gotten me no where. That would have SUCKED. But luckily, I am on the right track, I don't have to take the subject GRE, and I think I actually have things finally figured out :) For the most part at least. There are obviously a lot of things I don't have figured out yet, but this was really weighing me down and I feel like a great weight has been lifted now that the uncertainty about grad school has disappeared.

Go Sun Devils!!!

5

2008-06-01T01:15:00.003-07:00

Tonight was boring. I have myself to blame for that.

Tomorrow: put together that IKEA _______
(you could call it an entertainment center,
but it's more of a glorified spice rack for giants).
Unfinished wood. It looks like somebody built this thing out of wood pallates.
But can I find anything else...?? No. Because apparently having a tube TV is out of style.

I'm gonna do work on that, son! And then probably.. nothing else.
Watch Rob & Big? haha :)
What a productive summer this has been.

/sarcasm

4

2008-05-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

Yay! Things have been going really great the last little while! New people are fun and especially cute new people :) That always helps haha... work is good, except working lunch sucks for money so I'm looking forward to getting the boot off next month and making more. I probably could work dinner now but I bet I would make about the same amount of money for the small amount of tables I would be able to turn. Sigh!! And, I am still interested in the summer going by much faster than the speed at which it currently chooses to stabilize itself (effing slow). Hurry up!

So... Speed Racer last night was not a total loss. I know David thought so but then again David doesn't have very good taste in movies =O

Oh shoot! haha..

But it was pretty good. Definitely way too long but good story. And I was much warmer than I expected to be! Thanks boys. I would have gotten frostbite. Yay for not losing any limbs to unseasonably cold weather!

OMG there is talk of a California trip for next week. I am so excited!!! :DD

Tonight should be fun, I'm about to finish getting ready. Happy Memorial Day!

The words of the week/day have been labeled.

Things that Piss Me Off (from February)

2008-05-23T16:36:00.000-07:00

I reposted this from MySpace because I deleted it. Enjoy!

You had no idea I could even GET pissed, did you!!? Well I am feeling irritated so I thought what better time than to make a list of stuff that bugs the crap out of me? Tommy Ferguson is the genius behind this little nugget so, a nod to him. And here we go.

1. Peeple wh0 kant speel gud. It's like wtf, you are in college now, you should stop writing like that.
2. While I'm on the subject, pEoPl3 wHo $tIlL tHiNk tYpInG LyK tHiS iZ k00l. It's not, and never was. Grow up!
3. When I'm sitting in the right lane trying to turn, and I have to sit through the red light because the guy in front of me is going straight. Is it really that important for you to be at the front of the line when the light is green? Because I really need to get going and you are in my way.
4. People who consistently ask you for favors and never offer to return them, or better yet, only call when they need something. It's ok, I don't have feelings, nor do I have anything better to do.
5. Riding a bicycle and no one gets out of the way so I have to come to a dead stop and walk the bike. Why did I even bring the bike in the first place? Move it!
6. Guys who claim they just aren't affectionate as an excuse for not holding my hand in public. Get over yourself! Relationships are about compromise and that is how I feel loved! And I'm pretty sure that being in a relationship in the first place requires you to administer SOME type of affection, yeah?
7. When girls complain about getting treated like crap by guys, yet don't hesitate to jump into a new relationship with a guy who is clearly NOT their type. It's pretty bad when you can tell he's no good just by seeing his picture.
8. Christmas lights that are still lit up going strong, that are OBVIOUSLY Christmas lights. I'm not talking about white lights that are good all year, I mean like the Santas and the red/green lights and icicle lights. Which, icicle lights have no business in Arizona anyway so it's a huge mess in the first place. Plus, it is February for Pete's sake!!
9. Bosses and authority figures who exert WAAAAY more power than they rightfully should (aka power trip) and/or abuse their position in some way shape or form. That's all I'm going to say about that.
10. People who leave their trash behind at a place that enables you to clean up after yourself. Seriously, take your empty Big Mac box and Coke cup and throw them in the trash, along with the dozen or so grease-ladled napkins you needed to eat all that!
11. This is a pretty general one, but people who can't appreciate other people's opinions/viewpoints/desires/hobbies. The list goes on. But if you don't like it, why do you have to incessantly bag on it? Just leave it alone.
12. And in turn, people who won't give up when you express your dislike for something, yet still bother you to "just try it" and "come on, you'll like it." No, I won't. Don't you think if I did I would already be enjoying it?
13. Businesses, especially food joints, that close like 2 minutes before I get there, or that close like 15 minutes early, or even a minute early. That's not what you are getting paid for, is it!!?
14. The guy who is at least two feet taller than you and must stand in front of you for the entire duration of the concert. You realize you're tall right? You should be standing in the back, not in front of me. Even if I'm in the back, you should be courteous enough to offer the space in front of you to me. I'm pretty sure there will be no interference of my head with said concert, unlike with your head nay entire body.
15. Students who act like they have it sooo bad living in the Residence Halls. Are you kidding me? There are children in Africa that would LOVE to live IN OUR COURTYARD outside, with no shelter, and you are complaining because the elevator breaks like once a semester. Shut up and quit being lazy! Get up those stairs! (I can say this because I too am a student and couldn't give two cents if the elevator was broken).
16. Time. It just annoys me, because there's either never enough of it or way too much. There never seems to be a happy medium between the two.
17. Taking a shower and within one day feeling completely disgusting and greasy. I haven't even done anything, where is this coming from? It's February!
18. Waiting for people to call when they need a favor from you. It's like look, this is now on MY time. YOU asked ME for the favor, and I'm waiting for you. I can't do anything because I don't know what time your inconsiderate ass is going to call. So thanks, I'll just sit here and write MySpace blogs!
19. Friends who are only your friends when it is convenient (see number 4). I am a pretty caring individual, I have a lot of love, and I want to be your friend. So be my friend when I'm ready too, not just when you are. That's unfair.
20. Filing taxes!! Ok, someone please explain to me why we have to PAY to file the STATE INCOME TAX, even though 99.9% of the time the return like $8 or something real low. And then, help me figure out why it's between $13-20 to file something that THEY want ME to give to THEM!!? Whose effor is this paying for? I'm filing electronically! If it's up to me, I won't file! But oh no, then I'll owe state tax. Well eff that. I don't want to file.
21. People who have no idea how to file their taxes because they give all their paperwork to their accountant or parents. Sorry you guys, but that's really lazy. if you are my age and have no adjustments or exemptions, you can file your own crap. It takes at the max 20 minutes, and it's much more satisfying than handing it to Mr. Brown and getting the check in the mail for doing nothing.
22. Having a vehicle. Sometimes it is a burden. Most of the time it is pretty convenient. But God forbid anyone find out you have a vehicle when you live on campus at school, because all of a sudden all kinds of people are your friend and call you, even though you have never heard from them before that on the phone, and most likely will never hear from them again (see number four... again).
23. Movies with poor plot schemes. I'm sorry, but Requiem for A Dream was a horrible movie. Well made theatrically speaking, but poorly written. Why am I watching a bunch of drug pushers, a slut and a TV junky ruin their lives for 2 hours of my life that I will never get back? Yeah I don't know either.
24. Getting sick and not knowing where it came from or how I got it. Why can't you people just keep your germs to yourselves!!? I can't afford to be sick!
25. Being cold/being hot. There is no happiness found during extreme temperatures, because when it's too cold they set the thermostat to 90 degrees and all of a sudden, even though it's 40 outside, I am sweating in my sweatshirt. THEN, when it's too hot, they crank the A/C way down to like.. 50, and everyone is cold but no one says anything because they know they are about to walk across campus at 112 degrees and they better just enjoy the frostbite while it lasts.
26. Driving back and forth from Mesa to Tempe. It's not a long drive, but there are a heck of a lot of other things I'd rather be doing than sitting in my truck for 15 minutes listening to my iPod and not getting anything accomplished.
27. While we're on that subject, procrastination annoys me. I do it a lot, but it's something I can't get away from. And what's even worse is REALIZING that I could have been doing a ton of other stuff during the last two hours I've been sitting there idling on Facebook and listening to The Beatles.
28. Pens that I thought were full/brand new that run out of ink or stop working. Usually the only pen around and capless.
29. Missing calls. Especially oming back to my phone and seeing I have a missed call that does not also reveal a voicemail. I don't always listen to them, but they sure are nice to hear.
30. Annoying ringtones, like that stupid Nokia repeating "doo-doo-doo-DOO-doo!" over and over again. Or how about the high pitched ring that sounds like a regular house phone but it's on the loudest volume so everyone knows how important you are, that you are getting a phone call. Ooh, and that leads me to my next point.
31. Nextel phones. These are just glorified walkie-talkies. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Nextel phone guy: nobody wants to hear your conversation. They ESPECIALLY do not want to hear the person on the other end responding to your stupid questions that do not need to be asked during dinner at the Olive Garden with your wife on your anniversary. And the worst part is the noise it makes when you complete a transmission. Can I ask you something? Is it really that hard to just put your face on the phone and talk into it? I know it looks cool to hold it up to a foot away, or even real close to your mouth, and talk talk, but it is pretty annoying. Furthermore, women have no use for this phone, end of story. What is so important that you can't just call your friend and talk to her about your day? It keeps the rest of us from having to endure her shrill laugh.
32. Men who have a lot to prove, so they hassle the waiter to bring his steak up from Medium rare to medium, even though we heard him say medium rare because "that's how I usually eat it." And that's not even enough, that they have to ask their demure girlfriends "how is yours baby?" and when she says, "It's really good," he insists that she would like hers brought up to medium well. Are you eating the steak, or is she? I'm confused. Tone your ego down and maybe one of you will be able to enjoy the meal.

More to come, right now I have to make my way back to Tempe town.

Continued, February 19th at 12:30AM...

33. MSN articles laying out "10 Ways to Get Sex by Tomorrow" or "Body language: is he into you?" and other stupid stuff like that. None of it can be generalized, and chances are if you are reading those articles, you are not going to get what you want nor find the information you need. I can say this because every time I read about body language, they all say the same thing, and none of them apply to the guy I'm interested in. Coincidence?
34. People who are like... passive aggressive. I do it, but to a point. At some point, I will talk to the person and let them know how I feel. THEN there are people who CONSTANTLY bad mouth other people, but are super duper nice to them in person and act like they're best friends. Why are you pretending like that??
35. When Mr or Miss Know It All has to correct someone else either on something they've said, or something that has been written/posted somewhere. Anything is fair game, from common spelling errors like doubling letters in a word, to correcting the day of the week we ALL KNOW they are talking about. Shut up and let them finish their piece, no one cares if they said last month when they really meant last night. Everyone knows what they are talking about. And you would too if you weren't so busy trying to correct everybody.
36. Wanting to buy medium salsa, and finding out the market only CARRIES mild and hot, and that they are completely out of mild. I'm sorry, but I don't want my mouth to be on fire for the rest of the week. Can't you carry a normal flavor salsa?!
37. Although we are in college, I still encounter people making fun of other people. And it's funny, you know, when it's good taste. There's nothing like a well-placed "that's what she said" to lighten the mood. But there are those other times when it's not appropriate OR funny to say what you just said. For example, "How hard is it?" when talking to your professor about the GRE, and then, "That's what SHE said!!" No. Not good timing. Just hold it in until happy hour, duffle bag.
38. Poorly-placed "that's what she said"s. I add this because I've committed quite a few myself and they are embarassing. First embarassing, then funny because the placement was SO bad. But in general, if you're just saying it because you want someone to think you're cool for ripping off Steve Carell, then you should probably refrain.
39. Having a desk shift at 1 until 2 in the morning. Seriously, what was I thinking, and why couldn't I get better times!?!
40. People blow drying their hair at 12:40AM. Wtf are you doing!!? It is way past quiet hours!
41. When pretty flowers die :[ I want them to last forever!
42. People who project their displaced anger onto defenseless or otherwise loving, sweet-hearted individuals and animals. Or inanimate objects. The first is just sad: learn how to deal with your emotions. The second makes me angry, because that dog does not deserve to be yelled at and ignored because YOU had a bad day at work. He wants to love you!
43. Buttinskys. You know, the guy who has to always know what you are doing, and when, and with who, and for how long, and how much it's going to cost, and when you'll be back, and what you did last night, and what color hair your mom has, and, and... SHUT UP. You are annoying. If we want you to know, we will tell you. If not, just pretend like nothing happened and walk away.
44. Having a cough. It's loud and annoys other people. And hurts sometimes.
45. Hair maintenance. I need a hair cut and it is really inconvenient for me to need one because I can't get a hold of Kendra, who usually cuts my hair (and does a really great job). It is frustrating, then, because I would feel shameful to allow another hairdresser's shears near my reddish-brown locks. So I just have to keep waiting while my hair keeps getting uglier.
46. Being told I am skinny . Let's get one thing straight: I do NOT feel skinny. I don't look skinny. I don't know what it looks like to you, but what I feel like is what I look like. And if you think I look skinny, great! Tell all your friends! But when I complain about FEELING fat, that does not mean you should immediately rebutt with, "But omg, no way, you are so small." Whatever! I used to fit into a size 2, I know what small feels like.
47. Being extremely tired and not being able to go to bed for two more hours...

More to come. Again.

And here we are, March 1st, 10:54AM.

48. People who agree that you should get lunch in the following two days at some point, and then fail to respond to any emails/messages pertaining to said lunch date. If you don't want to get lunch with me, then don't say it would be a good idea! Not hard.
49. Spraining my wrist. First time ever and it's just obnoxious. It hurts when I try to function with it and as we speak I'm even having a hard time typing. Just a little. I guess I could generalize number 49 to any injuries that impede my ability to function normally.
50. Being hungry and not being able to eat for at least another 3 hours. Yeah for working the Mac desk haha :)
51. Knowing that he's not the one but being excited about it anyway.
52. Playing "the game." Not that I am right now obviously, but it is just so overrated. Why can't we all just state our purpose, do what we want, and have everything work out? Is it really true what they say, everything that's REALLY worth it is worth fighting for? I think what someone told me once is that there should be equal fighting from both sides and I think I would agree with that.
53. Having lots of studying to do but continuing to waste time with this list anyway.
54. OH yes, from last night haha.. yucky people, or "uggos" (haha) who make out and engage in extremely inappropriate PDA. Yes hold hands. Yes a peck on the cheek is cute. But don't slobber all over each other and neck each other in front of everyone! Ew!

3

2008-05-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

Something always brings me back to you,
and it never takes too long.

Last night was so much fun! And tonight will be as well. Indiana Jones was freaking incredible the other night, I implore you all to see it if you haven't done so already. Hmm what else.. work sucked yesterday, I made like half as much as I should have but I'm not going to go into detail about it. I definitely had an awesome margarita afterwards though which made things so much better haha... like I told Tommy, I figure alcohol will solve all my problems! (KIDDING. Totally kidding.)

I made some goals for myself this summer. One of which is either to learn to play the drums or keyboard/piano. There are several songs I would like to learn on piano, and once I realized that keyboards are probably a more welcome sound on their own, above drums, I figure I should learn those first, until I make enough money to buy my own set and have a band and have practices with accompanying instruments. Plus, I can plug headphones into a keyboard :)

With the help of some friends this past semester I learned some guitar chords, which I never thought would be possible for me to do. So if I can do that, why not learn to read sheet music and stuff?

Wtf is my dog doing? He's being picky with his dry food and pushing his bowl around, sticking his nose in it and not eating it. Stop that! Now he's back. He's been fidgety all day. He's probably mad that I won't let him outside to get all muddy. It's been raining a LOT the last day or so, and our yard doesn't drain very well. I'd rather him be mad than have to scrub the house down every time he wants to go out and play.

I've been watching a lot of Rob & Big lately. It's not on TV again until like Thursday but I've been watching the full episodes online and they are so funny! Makes me happy. Especially Meaty the bulldog <3

Anyway.. that's basically it. OH except that GH3 came in the mail like faster than a flash. It's pretty fun but all I can say is I'm glad I didn't pay $65 for it :)

CANNOT WAIT FOR GH AEROSMITH wooo!!!

2

2008-05-18T12:18:00.000-07:00

I've been scrap booking more. I printed out some pictures from uploading them at Walgreens.com and picking them up. It's so convenient! Much simpler than taking the memory card to the store and trying to find what you want from there. Plus this way, you can upload edited pictures, not just pictures that are fresh off your camera with all the red eye, darkness/brightness problems, etc.

I just realized I haven't yet scrap booked a whole page since I have restarted scrapbooking. I'm working on one of Erica's baby Evelyn (I'll upload a picture of it when I finish but I just can't seem to find the right combination of papers, stickers, embellishments, etc..) So far it looks good though.

Woke up this morning, had some Krispy Kremes (mmm) and played Diner Dash haha.. what an exciting Sunday. I am so bored with the summer already. And last night I felt horrible for more reasons than one.

My room is a mess. Scrap booking stuff all over my desk, boxes still unpacked littering my room, dog sleeping on my bed.. hey! He loves my bed :) Ahh, speaking of dogs! I had the urge to adopt a dog from PetSmart yesterday afternoon but decided my mom would lose her mind if I brought home a puppy before consulting her. Plus, I really want a bulldog or a lab, not just any dog. Then another part of me wants to adopt a dog because there are sooo many unadopted animals that need love :( I am a sucker for those puppy dog eyes, what can I say?

1

2008-05-14T23:10:00.000-07:00

I can never come up with a good title for blogs. I guess I could save it till the end when I figure out what I want my post to be about, but I choose not to.

A question before I start: why can't Bruce Springsteen tour anywhere besides New Jersey?? The rest of the country would like to see you too, you know.

Uhh, where to begin. So I am thoroughly discontent with my life status right now. My foot is broken, my boy is gone (or former boy, I guess), my room is a disaster still from bringing all my stuff home from ASU, a lot of my friends are like, really, really busy this summer, and I obviously don't have much to do since I'm not working until probably... at least next week. I thought the summer time would bring some relief? I still feel stressed out.

My grades were most excellent. This is the second great semester I've had in a row. If I could always be this diligent, or always be this studious, or whatever it was that I did this semester... I would be glad for that. I only have two more semesters, and then I graduate. I have to practice for the GRE at some point, and take it at some point. I'm planning on getting the book to practice in the next couple of weeks, studying for like a month, then taking the darn thing. I forgot to ask Alison how much it cost to take that stupid test. And oh man it's going to be expensive. I have to apply for grad school! I need letters of recommendation! These next two semesters are going to spin out of control. Before I know it, it will be May and I will be graduated. Hopefully this time goes by real fast because I am getting real impatient (as per usual).

I am getting back into scrapbooking this summer, hopefully I can concoct some incredible paper memories. I will laugh my head off if the scrap book store has RA stuff. I don't have many pictures though so I will have to upload some to Walgreens.com or something like that and get some printed off. I already have a really cute idea for a page about me and Alex. It involves that cute picture of our bikes that I took. :)

I am online with an HP technician trying to figure out why my batter meter has disappeared from the lower right hand corner of my screen, and why I have to be an administrator of the computer to get it back (curse you Windows Vista!). I never had these types of weird problems with XP!! wtfomgbbq! (lol)

My room looks like a disaster. I think tomorrow I will finally have some time to clean, so I will do it then. I'm pretty sure that this is the latest I've stayed up in a while too. At least since Alex went home. I can't stay up late anymore.. I have no reason to do so. I could scrap book, but I guess there'll be time for that tomorrow. And Friday.

I visited the foot doctor today and she told me I won't need a cast. I guess that's good news. But she also told me that I have to wear my boot when I sleep?? I'm not wearing it right now (oops) but I think as long as I'm careful not to bend that bone it should be fine. She said if I re-fracture it I'll have to have surgery (nice scare tactic Dr. Nakra!). But she was terribly nice, I have a hard time arguing with her. I hurt my foot doing some ResLife stuff so I've been trying to fill out paper work for Worker's Comp, and my mom is freaking out as usual haha. I guess it's better just not to involve her in some of these matters because she can't control her urge to consider the worst possible scenario. Whatever.

Anyway, I have to try to get this computer thing fixed. It's been fun as usual.

Sad :[

2008-05-14T23:04:00.001-07:00

I wish I could just tell you how much this hurts.
I just don't have the words to say it.

It feels like today.

2008-05-11T12:49:00.000-07:00

I am feeling strangely... apathetic... to this whole moving back home thing. All the emotions I had moving out of Center and toward all the people there... they just kind of disappeared. For the moment I guess. But it all already feels like such a long time ago.

The sooner I can leave it behind me, the better.
I'm obviously not getting anything out of it now.

:[

A part of me with you

2008-05-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

My heart hurts :(

Unprepared

2008-05-04T09:15:00.001-07:00

I knew this was coming, but there's just no way to prepare your heart for something that is going to hurt this bad. The last few days have been amazing.. heck, the last few months have been amazing. I wish we still had a few more. Yesterday was three months for us, ahh! We went to Pizzeria Bianco, it was really good but we decided the 2 hour wait is worth about a once a year trip (haha). So when he comes back in the Spring, we'll go again? That's about a year haha.

I have a couple more finals then I'm done, but until then I may not blog. I kind of wish that I would have been done last week, I mean by Friday at least, so I could have these next couple of days to just enjoy with Alex. He flies out Tuesday night around 6:45 I think he said.. ah it's just not enough time. It's never enough. So in spite of what I may say to you in this upcoming week, my heart, in fact, will be hurting. Mostly because I forgot what it was like not having him around. He was more than my boyfriend this semester, he was like my best friend. It makes me scared about North Campus next semester, I don't know if I will be able to form close relationships like I have here at Center. And at the moment I can't even dream about dating someone else, but who knows, those feelings may change.

Part of me doesn't want them to. And it's not real yet. It's not going to be real until I drop him off at the airport on Tuesday. And I'm going to come back here to campus, and it is going to feel so weird... it is going to feel like the Complex is empty. I just hate that I am losing him in more ways than one.

We'll be together in the morning.

2008-04-28T02:15:00.000-07:00

Listening to a little Format. I don't care so much for their new(er) stuff, but they've broken up by now so I guess I won't have to worry about it ha ha..

I began studying 45 minutes ago for a test I have in 7 hours. Cool. So if you have any questions about procrastination, its pros/cons, benefits/detriments, please email me. Wow. I guess I'm a little disappointed in myself, but this is pretty much a throw away test. I'll be really glad when I get this over with. Then I can sleep in the morning after it's over; tomorrow is also my last day of REL 375 which is pretty exciting. And it will be an easy day: course evaluation, discussion about our received knowledge from the class. Then I have to take a make-up quiz for my AST lab, that should be a good time. Our T.A. is really funny, he looks like a Who. You know... from Who-ville.

By the way. There's a line from a song that I have been dying to put somewhere:
"If this isn't love, this is the closest I've ever been. Do you think we have a chance?"

Ugh, I love Anberlin :)

Anyway, I am basically just putting this studying off so I'm going to go. I'm trying to hold unattainable goals for myself this evening so I will push myself harder to get finished. I don't want to be awake all night until the test, but I do have a Full Throttle here next to me in case I need that. I've been sipping on it, but it's not doing a whole lot.

Just another week, and then what?

Gosh..
the past few days have been awesome;
I am so grateful for them :)

Weird dreams

2008-04-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

I had a dream the other night that I found out Mariah Carey had cancer, and the next thing I found out in the dream was that she died. It was kind of unsettling.

Essential knowledge

2008-04-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

Women are like waves, and men are like rubber bands.

And I don't know, and I can't guess if we're gonna be ok but now, my last wish is that you'll do this with me

2008-04-18T13:30:00.001-07:00

Why is it that when you stop coming to church, people who are supposed to be your friends, your fellow followers of Christ, your community members, they all automatically assume that you've fallen off the deep end? I haven't had a falling out with God, but I am slowly beginning to understand why people lose faith in Him!

If people in the body of believers can't even accept and support your decisions, although they may be converse to what they want you to do, how are they supposed to believe in a God that will allow this kind of behavior? Obviously He is not controlling their actions and thought all the time (although if He were I sometimes wonder what kind of world this would be), so people's thoughts, words and actions should not be dealt with angrily and blamed on God. This is why people leave "church." They leave the church building, and that means they are leaving capital C Church, as in the body of Christ? I would disagree. I am a firm believer in the importance of community and worship alongside fellow believers, but I am not a believer in forced involvement with a community that has a lot of work to do itself before considering itself paramount among others. I never thought I would be saying this, that these words would be coming from my fingers onto this keyboard, but the Titanic sank and everyone said that was an impossible event, yeah?

Dually, not only am I perturbed by the judgmentalism being engaged in this community, but also the distrust of supposed friends. Listen to me, and listen good: I am the same female I was when I left Mesa. I uphold the same standards, and although my perspectives on some issues have been tailored and shifted a bit, nothing important about me has changed. What do I mean by a shift and tailor of perspectives? It's like this: when you finally leave the Mesa bubble, you see things differently, both politically and religiously (if I should even use that term). And no, I haven't become a left-wing Atheist. If anything, I've become more Conservative and more appreciative of God in this environment. My opinion of underage drinking and drunkenness is still that it's no good, and yes I've drank (oh, no!) but no more than I drank before coming to ASU (a margarita with lunch or dinner).

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, before you stick some label on me because I go to ASU and not Biola, or Pepperdine, or one of those other Christian universities (which have their fair share of misbehaved individuals, I can assure you), you should try getting together with me for lunch or Starbucks and find out what I've been doing with my life. Have I been out evangelizing to all the "lost souls" at ASU? No. Have I started a Bible Study that I hold week in and out? No. Do I still go to church on Saturday night and Bible Study, either here at ASU or back in Mesa? No. I guess all of that makes me some kind of rogue Christian.

You know, before I came to ASU, I started to feel... I don't know, guilty? Or... shameful? That I wouldn't be in attendance as much at church anymore. And now... I don't particularly care for it. All the above things I have mentioned are things I've been silently sitting by and enduring in the last couple of years, while upper pastoral figures claim new direction and that God is "in" all these things that are trying to come up off the ground. What I've seen good in, is the Children's Ministry, the homeless outreach ministry, the women's ministry, and that's about it. Our senior pastor is great. They have a good staff on their hands. But nothing has changed. I can't sit in my seat anymore and pretend like I feel change. And I can't keep coming and pushing away guilt for the fact that I haven't brought anybody to church to throw God in their face.

I don't know. It's just all been really disheartening, and I think I'm looking for a new church.

In other news... I got a 70% on my personality theory test. Better than all my other tests, but not by much. The problem with this guy's tests is that almost all of the questions have the options "all of the above" and "none of the above" or a variation of the two. And it's frustrating because you know, there are those questions where it could DEFINITELY be all of the above, or it could DEFINITELY only be C. The class average is a 69% and it's probably a little bit better than that now, but not by much. I have to do well in this class. It's for my major, I can't get Cs! Bs would be great! And being on the Dean's List again wouldn't hurt either...

By the way, only a few weeks left :\

A-mae-zing

2008-04-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

Wow! What an incredible show Mae and Between the Trees put on last night! I am blown away. That may be the best show Mae has ever put on, and I've seen them like 6 times. Dave was definitely giving it his all.

Let's see, highlights of the night... well, I met Mae again, such cool guys. And this time I got to meet their drummer Jacob who is terribly nice as well as appreciative of fan support. They all signed my shirt (except Josiah because he was loading their equipment back up while Dave, Zach and Jake did the acoustic set, and Robert finished up the merch) and my shirt is awesome because it says Mae is for lovers! (I finally have a "Mae is for lovers" t-shirt, I am stoked). And it's yellow, we all know how much I love colors that stand out much brighter than they rightfully should.

Oh, and before all that we met this adorable guy from Between the Trees, their band was great and the guys were all really nice. Plus, he said I had nice breath, and that's always good because you know how long you are at a show without having account of how your breath smells. And you know something else, that picture hug felt good but it sure makes my body look awkward! haha

Anyway, I need to get out of the desk, I'm still sitting here at McClintock and I was done 20 minutes ago. Supposedly Alex and I are going to Hassy for breakfast but we'll see if he's even awake yet. I am exhausted. I was thinking I would like to swim today after we eat but I was pretty much up until 3 this morning. Ah, yeah. That was a good time. Not really. Last night was good until.. yeah. I don't really need to elaborate. But regardless of night-ending drama, the Mae show was incredible, probably one of the best if not the best night of my life, and I am content to just get up from this desk now and go get some breakfast in me haha. Good morning, all.

Just another month, I guess.

2008-04-09T01:06:00.000-07:00

The end of the year is coming up so fast. I already said it, but I am going to get blindsided, I just know it. I gotta get ready for it.

Alex and I were talking last week at the pool and I have been thinking more and more about getting my nose pierced. Does anyone think that would be cool, or what? I've been thinking about it for a while now. Like a couple years. And I think I would still like it. Just a little silver stud or a real tiny diamond. Like REALLY tiny. Because my nose is very small :) Maybe I can find a picture?

Yeah there it is. Maybe even smaller than that. Plus it doesn't look that good on her nose because it's kind of pointy and her nostrils are like... too long or something lol. Anyway, good or bad idea? I am still looking into exactly how much it would cost, and apparently I need to get it done at Club Tattoo because Yoshi said so!

I finally got around to blocking off the FREEZING a/c vent in my room so it should be nice and hot when I get back up there haha. It doesn't warm up at ALL even if I leave the windows open with that hot air blowing in there all day, wtf? So I covered it up with a poster I painted that just says "love." I like it. Ugh and I really wanted to go swimming today, it felt like a great day to do that... I really need to do my Elvis homework (test tomorrow at 10AM through Thursday 2PM) by the way but I'm getting so tired I'll probably do it tomorrow after religion. I still don't feel very good about the test I took for it on Monday.

I don't know if I already mentioned it but I applied to be a research assistant for my learning and motivation professor next semester. She accepted me and Yoshi's applications almost immediately. Basically all we had to do was talk to her for like 20 minutes. She loves us. I know she loves me already because I showed her that video of The Office that she showed in class. Click here (YouTube) and go to about 3:10, it's the bit about Jim conditioning Dwight with the mint and the Windows sound haha..

And my desk shift is about over. 7 minutes. I am going to bed :D

Do you need to love?

2008-04-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do with all this! I was not expecting to feel like this, I didn't even see it coming. The semester started and my mindset was completely different. Now I'm in it and I am realizing that it totally blindsided me this time. How was I not prepared for this??

Today was better than yesterday. It helps to talk to people who are supportive of the feelings you are having, rather than trying to change the way you're feeling or basically telling you that you're just going through a phase. And I'm still trying to figure out this whole God thing too. I think I've found my church home in the body of students at ASU. I am more comfortable than I was a couple weeks ago. This is kind of nice!

By the way, could I BE any more cryptic lol

Life-thinking.

2008-03-31T14:29:00.000-07:00

Uh-oh. It's that time again. Where I freak out about what I want to do with my life and where I'm going. This time it's different though. I legitimately do not know when I want to go to grad school, and where. My want to get out of this state is pulling me to California, but my lack of funding is anchoring me to Arizona. I don't want to do grad school at ASU. I don't even know about GREs, when I need to take them, if I have to take them, how to apply, when to apply, etc., etc...

I hope this doesn't make me look unambitious. I really want to do great things. But I'm so impatient that it's starting to get in the way of the steps I should be taking to get to where I want to go. There are things happening that I want to speed along and see where they take me. I want to fast forward and see what position I'm in a year from now. What do my relationships look like? How prepared am I for graduation? What kind of money have I saved, or am I making? Do I still work at Black Angus? I finally find a job that I love and I'm not absolutely sure if I should keep it or if I should be looking for a job that is more applicable to my field of study. Should I apply for an internship or to be someone's TA? Am I good enough for that?

I started wondering if I should switch my major again. I've started to get bored with psychology, but maybe it's just that end of the semester bore I find myself in about a month before every semester's end. Then about a month before school starts I get pumped up again and psyched for school, then I start to get demotivated and stop being consistent with my class attendance; it becomes much more sporadic, especially once I realize what classes I "have to" go to and which ones I can skip. It's not like I enjoy missing class, I just fail to see the point of going and I feel like I'm wasting my time. Heck, I'm wasting my time writing a blog during class when I should be paying attention.

I would probably like to pick up a second major or something, but I would be far more interested in graduating in 2009 than sticking around for another 2 or 3 years to begin finishing something. I just don't feel as smart as I should for being in college this long.

aaand I'm back. Sort of.

2008-03-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Holy cow. So I was in the hospital Sunday at 11:30AM through yesterday afternoon and let me just say I never want to go there again. Unless to visit or if I'm having a baby. Because let me tell you people, it's not all it's cracked up to be. I was helpless for like over 48 hours of my life, and I hate that because I ask for help when I need it. I was being fed and letting my mom give me sips of water and juice. It was pretty ridiculous.

You know, I never mentioned what I was there for. I will probably have to repeat this story to a whole lot of people but maybe I've directed you to this blog because of that reason. So here we go, anyway... I guess it was Thursday that I started not feeling so good, because I didn't go to either of my classes. Not completely characteristic of me because I don't like missing class, nay miss my personality theory and research class because I'm doing very poorly in there and it would be in my best interest not to miss class. I'm starting to feel a little woozy as I'm writing this out so if I have to cut short to take a nap then I will. Anyhow, I was in bed pretty much Thursday through Saturday. Friday marked nausea, vomitting, all the gross stuff that comes with feeling sick, and dizziness. Saturday my mom came to check me out because I was feeling so bad that I was considering having Alex take me to the hospital. But she said just wait until Monday and we'll get you to the doctor.

So Sunday morning I went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet for a while and pretty soon couldn't see anything. I was really really dizzy and nauseated. My vision was like how you feel if you think you're going to black out, everything is dark and fuzzy. But the scary thing is that it wouldn't go away. I tried to shake it off, and I freaked out because it felt like things were closing in, and I literally felt for a minute like I was dying. I needed to get some help before I passed out or something. I called my mom and she came and took me to Tempe St. Luke's.

They took us about an hour after we got there, around 12:30 not a long wait, and the woman told me to sit in the chair. I started to get really dizzy again and leaned over in my chair. She said I needed to get in a bed so they grabbed me a wheel chair and took me to a temp room with a curtain. My blood pressure was really low. High fever over 100. Still feeling sick. It was horrible. They set me up with an IV in a most awkward place in my arm that made it nearly impossible for me to bend, rendering my right arm useless, and after 2 bags of saline they said I was ready to go home. That was fast, I thought. I stood up and I felt really dizzy still, started to black out, sat back down, the doctor, not the nurse who was about to send me home, said we should take my BP again. Sure enough, extremely low. They set me back up with a new saline bag, some antibiotic, and it wasn't until about 11Pm that night we were able to get a room.

I didn't get much sleep, if any at all. I had weird hallucinations when I closed my eyes so I was staying awake. They took my blood a lot. Poked me with lots of needles (which I absolutely hate, not that anybody really likes being poked with needles, unless you're into that sort of thing...) and was looking forward to the morning where the doctor would hopefully tell me I could go home. Turns out I was really dehydrated, so by this time I'm on my like 5th IV or something. Over the course of my stay I had my blood drawn like 6 times, once from an artery (most painful thing I've ever experienced in my life, wouldn't recommend it to anyone). And just as a guideline, any doctor who brags about how good he is at something is usually not that good at it. He stuck a giant needle in my right wrist, poked around, couldn't find this hidden artery, then tried again in my left arm. Ah, there it is. Frick, that hurts. Doctors have like no idea. I would put that pain second place to giving birth and I don't even know about that yet.

Anyway, the artery blood drawing was yesterday, but Monday morning they told my mom there was no way I could go home that day because my blood pressure was still too low, so they pumped me full of more saline. All together my stay in the hospital rendered me 12 bags of the stuff. My belly is still very swollen and my belly button looks like a horizontal line. I'm having kind of a hard time walking around, I'm guessing because of the swelling in my legs, or from the fact that I've very literally been in bed since like last Thursday... I had my mom take a picture of my arms all IVed and wrapped after all the needles they poked in me so I'll post that at some point. But basically it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I am resting at home fairly comfortably, still not feeling 100% but much, much better than had you talked to me Thursday through Sunday before I went to the hospital. Now it's just a matter of all this swelling going down. Yeah I look chubby but I think you can expect that when they force 12 bags of fluid into my body over the course of 48 hours (makes me sick just thinking about it).

That is basically my story. I had a gastric virus, dehydration, and a UTI. Still not sure where all that dehydration came from that made me so dizzy and sick, you guys see me nearly always toting a water bottle or some other liquid device. But I am glad we didn't wait until Monday to see campus health because I would probably be in much worse shape. Thanks for all your good wishes and concern! I love you. I want to get back to Tempe as soon as possible, I miss you all very much, plus I have so much homework to do, I just can't get myself to do it when I am still feeling like this. And hopefully this blog answered all your questions haha :)

Life in general is...

2008-03-11T00:41:00.000-07:00

So I was just thinking. Thinking about... how for the most part I am pretty happy with what's going on in my life right now. Aside from everything like having to get my truck fixed to not doing anything particularly notable for Spring Break, to having that feeling that I SHOULD be starting on that paper we had due like a month ago but I have yet to do that...

Then I started wondering, when do you know you are really happy? Like when is that definition made? And when it is ok to tell people that you are really truly content? Not complacent necessarily, or stagnant in a negative way, just that you kind of are enjoying the place you are currently standing in. I've had people argue with me that when I am not 100% "right" with God that I can't really be truly happy/fulfilled etc. I am working on that in my own time. But for right now, everything feels pretty good. :) I have a great boy, I am leading a life not primarily dominated by stressful thought (except around midterms haha), I am hanging out with people who lift me up rather than make me feel like some aspect of my life isn't being given all the attention it deserves. It's a weird spell... I am starting to think more and more about what I want to do after college because when I talked to John today he made me realize that May 2009 is a lot closer than I keep imagining... it's very real... I need to start considering who to consult when it's time to get those letters of recommendation written, or how about when I freaking take my GRE? Is the $600 or whatever really worth the prep course they are advertising? When do I need to take it... how many times... where do I send the results, and WHEN.

At this moment, my ideal plan is to move to California in the summer of '09, get a year of residency under my belt, then apply to grad school. Where would I work in the mean time? Under whom? For how much money? And how much would I need to make to sustain the lifestyle I want to live in California (not much different from the one I'm leading now aside from renting/buying my own place, having a newer/reliable vehicle, and possibly surf every single day?)... haha ok so that last part is definitely different. But there are so many factors to consider. And I just can't move alone. I wouldn't know who to take with me (not my mom, I need to get away from Arizona tie-downs. Maybe she could come live there, but not with me). In Summer 2009, I will be 22 years old. Approaching 23. And I will need to say that I have done something sufficient with my time in undergraduate school. Right now I feel like I'm just trying to make the grade for that expensive piece of paper that tells my credentials. It's almost... defeating. I need to start doing some research and start making friends with people who have been where I am going. I still have no idea where to start or what to do. Should I look for a place to live first, or a place to work first? What kind of job should I get? How close to the beach do I want to be? What proximity is that to my job? It's all a little overwhelming.

So now what?

2008-03-04T11:27:00.001-07:00

I'm starting to feel better, both in my throat and in my wrist. But as usual I'm letting my mind get the best of me and I'm starting to wonder about some of the stuff I'm spending my free time thinking about. I mean, it's really got me going. Now, who to talk to about it?

I guess I just really want Spring Break to get here and get over with. Another exciting vacation spent idling in dry, listless, boring Mesatown, AZ.

What else could go wrong??

2008-03-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

So as you may have heard, I sprained my wrist on Friday night playing Broomball. It's healing pretty famously, but now I'm getting strep again and all my muscles are sore from falling so many times on Friday. Not good. So lots of things feel like they are going wrong. But at least I can count on Taylor for a pick me up that almost brings me to tears when I'm feeling like crap :) haha

In other news... uh, yeah. Everything else is pretty good.

What am I doing!?

2008-02-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

The past week or so has been marked with that internal conflict I have once about every month. You know, the one where I question my major, what am I doing with my life, where am I going, where have I been, and most importantly is what I am doing right now getting me to where I need to go, nay, want to go? Well, let's see what I have neglected to accomplish:

- Study for my test that is tomorrow in Learning + Motivation
(Beginning that tonight)
- Begin an important project for the same class
- File my FAFSA (No $ = no school, kids)
- Start thinking about when I need to take my GRE and study for it

I don't think I realized that I really only have one more year left of college until last night. I've been so caught up in current events that I have failed to seriously consider more of my future. Not to say I'm unprepared, but I could be... I don't know, better I guess? Keep in mind, I am the first gen college student in my family, so I have no one showing me how to do this. It's hit-or-miss.

I've literally sat down with and said to some of my professors and advisers,

"Look. I have no clue what I'm doing. And I know this is college, I'm supposed to be somewhat independent, but I need you to hold my hand and tell me what my next step is. I have no idea." They must think, "Surely you jest!" No, I don't jest. And don't call me Shirley! (The Office)

But seriously. I am not getting the help I need (I sound like I have a serious problem haha) and it's frustrating so I just put it out of my mind. I'm pretty sure I need to file my DOG at some point this semester, and gosh.. 30 more credit hours and I'm done with this place. At least, figuratively speaking. If I get everything done that I need to. Ok. Time to take a break from thinking about that noise.

In other news, I have acquired the first two discs of season three of The Office. Laziness and neglect of currently important tasks commence... now! Haha I love it. And by the way, in a totally unrelated note, getting emails from ex-boyfriends I never thought I would hear from again? Good times. Haha.

Tonight I'm going to listen to this speaker talk about her anti-position of the Vagina Monologues. In my opinion, if you are speaking out against what most people would consider a liberating movement for the empowerment of women, you are defeating yourself, and creating more controversy. But maybe I'll change my mind after I listen to her speak. It's not like I'm biased at all in favor of the VMs since I've never been, so we'll see. Lauren and I are going on Saturday night to see them, it should be a good time. I'm kind of psyched seeing as what a big deal it is and how little I know about it.

Frick! I thought I had a lot more to say, but I have some things to get done before this speaker tonight so I better make like a baby and head out of this post.

OH YEAH! Pick up the State Press Magazine today: I'm featured in the cover story! :)

The Office: Spoiler Warning!

2008-02-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

Ok! So I watched another episode of The Office before class... Jim admits that he likes Pam!! Oooh I feel so bad for him. Roy is such a jerk, and Jim is so adorable and does cute things for her and spends time with her and listens to her... I just can't take it. And did anyone notice that on the Booze Cruise episode (the one I watched today) that Roy was extremely intoxicated when he set the date for their wedding? I wish I hadn't watched them out of order because now I am confused haha but these episodes are so good. Love it.

In other news, I am planning on going to California for Spring Break, at least the majority of it, and I am so excited. I hope it will be warm enough to swim, or at least tan and play on the beach. I'm not positive that Breck is 100% for it, but he will be driving his car if we go so I definitely need to work that out with him. I don't want to be like the only one staying in boring AZ/Tempe/Mesa, shoot! And since I'm bored with my class, I might as well look up hotel prices riiiight... now.

It is time.

2008-02-25T01:59:00.000-07:00

All the cool kids have Blogger blogs so I figure now is as good a time as any to kick that trendiness into high gear! I have like three blogs. I guess this is the fourth then. And with each blog I create, I realized I limit my audience. I was like, oh man, if so and so ever saw this.. no, forget that. This is a non-discriminatory blog. And why is this cursor moving so slow!!? Eesh.

Ok so Alex left super early tonight, or at least what I would consider super early haha.. yet I am not in bed. Probably should get to it. And while I'm on the subject.. he's pretty neat and that's all I have to say about that :)

By the way, we watched the Christmas Party episode of The Office tonight and it was so cute!! Jim loves Pam!! Ah I just love it. So I am currently finishing the second season after having borrowed it and the first season from Taylor, and I believe Alex O. has the third in his possession so I will have to coax him into letting me borrow it haha. And from what I understand Taylor has already attempted this feat and Alex limits his borrowing to one disc at a time so Taylor will actually get some work done. I foresee that being a potential problem with myself as well haha.

Anyhow, I had a great, great weekend, and now it's time to get back to reality. School at 9:15 in the morning, REL 375 at 1:40 and Astronomy lab tomorrow night, which I don't look forward to as much as I had originally set out too. Bums me out. But when my TA is talking like a mile a minute and trying to explain advanced mathematics to people who haven't touched math in 3 or 4 years... it's very unsettling! But wish me luck either way. Now I sleep. And.. dang it. I was hoping to cram in another episode of The Office tonight! :(